Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
