I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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