you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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