Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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