right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
