I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
