These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
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I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
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I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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