Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
