guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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