Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
