What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
