for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
