i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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