i don't like sucking hair
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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