Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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