It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize
