I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
