I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
