That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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