the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
