And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
