it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize