and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize