I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
