Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
