tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
