Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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