Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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