to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
