Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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