i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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