I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize