I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
