i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
