Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
