I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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