She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
