So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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