i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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