I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
