Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Randomize
