I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
