just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
