Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
