..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
