I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
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