he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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