when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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