we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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