my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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