Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We have so much sex to catch up on
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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