you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
