took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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