When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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