Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Found the puke drawer
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
