Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
