im about as happy as oj after his trial
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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