The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I want to walk on stilts...naked
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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