hell yes lets make some ravioli
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
