I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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