Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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