I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
