is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm at about main and main street
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
