well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
