I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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