What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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