oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
